Have you ever been at the club or a bar and had someone feed you the cheesetastic pick up lines that are now nothing but a running joke? Or maybe you’re the one who needs a line, never knowing the right thing to say to the hot peeps all around you. Here are 5 of our personal faves. Disclaimer: Aquired taste is not responsible for you getting slapped or having drinks thrown in your face as a result of you using these, we are bat shit crazy people, don’t try this at home.
1) The Australian kiss one: You say: Can I give you an Australian kiss? They say: What’s an Australian kiss? You say: It’s like a french kiss…… but down under. WIN! If this doesn’t get you punched in the face a little bit of play nothing will. It’s everything you need in a pick up line, classy, romantic, and most of all respectful.
2)Hi. I’m an astronaut, and my next mission is to explore Uranus: Oh muh guh. I know it seems offensive, but tell the truth, is it the worst you’ve ever heard? Okay, worst case scenario, someone rallies their friends and beats the holy jesus jizz out of you. Or, depending on how you look at it, worst case scenario, someone says ok to this.
3)Roses are red, violets are blue, I have warts, so will you: It’s all about full disclosure with this one folks. You get to deliver this lil doozey with satisfaction knowing that you told them about your crotch rot up front and that you were funny and super classy about it. Nothing says class like poetry after all. And, bonus, you may even get a piece from it. You may realize when saying this that your special someone thinks you’re kidding about the warts thing but hey, you know what they say, “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.”
4) If you were my sister/brother, incest would be cool: UH….. awkward. Ok, ok. I’m trying to think here folks. I mean you can’t expect me to have hilarious things to say to everything can you? I mean be real here, this is pretty bad. Ok, good points, um, OOH! They will for sure know that you’re from Arkansas and that your family tree isn’t so much a tree as one really crowded branch. And, they would know you have at the least bendy morals so you may be fun in an unpredictable sister banging kinda way. Oh fuck it, I got nothin, Never ever say this. Ever.
5)I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re beginning to look pretty good: Oh the romanticism! The flattery is overwhelming. The fastest way to a woman’s pantsheart is flattery. Who doesn’t like to have their ego stroked? Or their other stuff for that matter. You may have beer goggles but that sweet ugly swamp thing at the bar is gonna remember this forever. Men like to be told they are hot as much as a female and after a few too many, that dude with the missing teeth, funky breath, and hyper color t-shirt at the bar is gonna look good so go get em girls! Just remember, pick up lines are similar to charity work. Everyone needs a helping hand sometimes. Uggo’s don’tget that much play. But for 20 bucks(or whatever it takes to get you trashed) you could save a boy or girl in this bar.
Special thanks to ur home squish Luke for giving us some horrid lines that we made him promise he never would use and for turning us on to this site http://www.linesthataregood.com/flattery.html. It was full of crazy ass lines and some of the ones listed are from the site. If you know Luke then please keep him from making an ass out of himself by saying this shit. He’ll do it, he’s that guy. Love you though!