5 reasons to stay single

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Recently we posted 5 reasons why you may have been dumped. Now that you’re a single person again we think you should hang on to that freedom and here are 5 reasons why.

 

 

1) You get to have strange: When you’re in a relationship it’s always the same piece of buns all the time. You find yourself doing the same things or avoiding sex altogether because if you have to suffer through another session of the swirly thing and fake the big O you might just off yourself right now. But to be single……… there is a never ending supply of strange out there! Hotties who are just lookin for some no strings action and a few heinekens to make their Thursday complete. When you have a steady honey you can’t go up to strangers and say things like ” You may not know it, but one day you and me are gonna bang”, or  ” Ever had sex on the beach? Want to?” . That one gets me every time. So stay single and venture into the world of strangers with strange, just remember that sometimes strangers with strange can leave lil gifts behind, like the herps.

 

2) There are no limits on where you go or what you do: If you’re a human being then you know that when you are in a relationship certain freedoms are given up. Like the ability to leave the house without having to tell someone where you’re going. Or explain why you were home at 8 when you got off at 6. The single life is all about freedom, no- one asks you where you are or who you’re with. It’s great. No one calls you on your birthday, or bothers you when you’re home alone and sick. People don’t buy you special things on X-mas or remind you to call your mom. Wait………….

 

3) You buy your own presents and always get what you want: Your ex was always buying you the most shit tastic gifts. It never seemed to sink in. You would tell her you wanted an xbox 360 and she would buy you a Bill Cosby sweater. You would ask for some new shoes and she would buy you a kitten named Mr. Fuzzy Nuts. Well rejoice! Now that you’re single you can be in charge of your presents. If it’s your b-day you can buy yourself gifts and you know you’ll like it. One things for sure though, you’ll definitely miss the guaranteed mouth lovin that always came on holidays. Yeah, when stuff comes on holidays it’s good. And no one will be doin any of that now. 

 

4) No more nagging: We all hate to be bitched at and your ex was always bitching. Stop spending our rent money on rock. Stop screwing the neighbor. Quit referring to my mother as a psycho hose beast. Nag nag nag. Well  that’s all over now. You can bang the neighbor if you want, just hope that the burning sensation you’re feeling will go away. And you can smoke whatever you want, who needs lights anyway? you’re doing the environment a favor, saving electricity and all that. And ya know what else? Her mom is a psycho hose beast so you’ll call her that all you want.  You may even call her cell and tell her that her mom is a psycho while you’re hittin the pipe and bangin the neighbor all at once. That’ll show her you have moved on and boy does it feel good to be a mature adult.

 

5) You don’t have to compromise: Being single means you don’t have to constantly find a “middle ground” — meaning, doing what they want to do (whether you like it or not). This includes being forced to suffer antique fairs and dinner with his friends or watch shitty movies you know you’ll hate. You can put that hideous old chair you love in the living room or hang up purple curtains if you want without the threat of no more sex. You can even get someone to agree to do that one thing in the bedroom you wanted to try but your honey would never agree to. No compromises. Your future looks so good right now, dirty sex, ugly furniture, lonely nights and no one to love you. Way to go!!!

2 Comments »

  1. daisypunk Said:

    Lovin the new layout…..

    Lovin the #1…you get to have strange….LMAO at this shit…
    Oh how I miss gettin strange…lol

    -DaisyPunk-

  2. Amy Hoskins Said:

    these are so funny but the single life does have it downside but these 5 are great upside to it.


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