We’ve all been screwed by somebody in our lives and not always in the sweaty kind of way. If you are anything like me you may have found yourself sitting alone in your room trying to think of something you could do to that ass hole who told everybody you had booty flu. Here are 5 ways you can get even.
1) Get as many alarm clocks as possible, set them for different times throughout the night and hide them: Sleep deprivation is a bitch people. If someone you know has made the mistake of crossing you remember this. Get the clocks and hide them all over the house. They won’t be sleeping, if you live there you won’t be either but it’s worth it to inflict a little bit of pain on your much deserving roomie. Maybe next time they will think before they borrow your WHAM cd and return it scratched.
2)Take your sweetheart’s favorite clubbing shirt and use an ultraviolet pen to write what’s on your mind: You just found out your club hopping honey is a big ole cheater. Well may I suggest this lil doozey? Under any black light whatever you write will show up and your loser ex will be exposed to the world. Suggestions? You didn’t think we wouldn’t tell you a few did you? I like classics like cheater or donkey fucker but don’t be afraid to get crazy with it. Whatever you say it’s sure to make an impression on them and anyone they are with. Nothing says revenge like this dude has herpes written all over their shirt.
3) Subscribe your enemy to all sorts of weird sex magazines but send them to their parent’s: This one is a classic folks. Classics are classics for a reason. Sign your wrong doer up for every sick magazine and DVD club you can find then send it all to mommy. When their conservative parents find out that their sweet Johnny or angelic Jane like to watch donkey shows they will be sure to react with all the swift indignation you can hope for. Not only will you feel gratified the laughs will never stop because you may just slip up and send it to the neighbors houses too.
4)Place a singles ad with their phone number in newspapers and websites: List their interests as Star Trek and comic books. Maybe add only looking for fun people with no teeth, or loves pets… in a naughty way. The responses they get will be insane and never ending. While they try to figure out what add people keep referring to you can laugh in silence at your brilliance. And if you get some hot trekkie action out of the deal so be it.
5) Swap their KY Jelly with Icy-hot: You may not be able to see this one in action but trust me when I tell you it’s awesome. Wait for your moment and switch the contents of the tubes. If all goes right they will be hookin up with somebody and go rub on Icy-Hot in some very tender places. It will start to burn almost instantly. If you’re REALLY lucky they will get to their partner first and then the burning will start for them both. Nobody is finishing that night and it’s safe to say they will never hear from them again. It will have them convinced they have at the least a raging case of crotch rot from the night’s activities and maybe more. It’s sooo mean and it’s so fanfuckintastic. Maybe the next time you see them you’ll catch a glimpse of them scratching or purchasing some clap cream at Walgreens. The best way to use this of course is as a double wammy. Have a couple you hate? Scorch their junk and end that relationship for good. Consider it Karma for that time they sent your mom porn.
We haven’t done these but now you know what happens to people who step on our toes!! Kidding, kidding. We would definitely do these never do any of this stuff. Be careful and be nice!!