5 reasons drinking is a BAD idea

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I love holidays!  Most of them anyway, I love coming together with friends and fam, having good food,and inevitably watching someone get too drunk and fall down. Since the 4th of july has just passed us all by and I’m sure some of these hilarious and awesome irresponsible games were played, we here at 5 decided we should list some reasons drinking games or drinking in general is a bad idea. Peer pressure, bad judgment, and a need for attention will almost guarantee that you’ll be the moron performing one of these acts.

 

1) Drinking games lead to jail: It’s been a great day, you and your homies are out, celebrating tuesday your fave holiday and now that it’s getting dark out your pal ( we’ll call him duke) suggests a lil  game you can play on the so very long drive home. Your judgement may be slightlt askew since you played beer pong and played it badly. Is there supposed to be 3 sets of yellow lines in the road?Ahh well, this game sounds good.  He says the game is called pur-doo-dah. You simply look for the cars with only one headlight and call out PURDOODAH! The last one to say fuck you has to remove an article of clothing. Wait, didn’t you watch an after school special about this? Before you know it you are almost totally naked along with all the other drunks in the car. When you get pulled over only 3 minutes from home because an officer spotted some flesh when he passed, you scramble to get dressed and hope to god no one grabs your pants by mistake. When it’s all said and done you and all your pals are goin to jail, all you can do now is hope when they call your mom to come bail you out they forget about the naked part. Damn beer pong.

 

2) You’re drunk: Playing drinking games has only one purpose, to get you sloshed and it never disappoints. The bad thing about this is that maybe you’re one of those people who lacks good judgement or common sense sober so when you get trashed there is no telling what crazy shiz you might pull. You may decide after one too many, that the coyote ugly guy next to you is so hot you have to take him now. After you step out of the dumpster you blew him in you’ve sobered up and realized this dude looks like a lawnmower got a hold of his face, LAME. You may feel brave and decide you’re gonna fight that guy who was staring at your girl. Sure, he’s so big he blocks out all light like a solar eclipse when he stands but everybody gets their ass whooped at least once in their life right? This would be his night. Or not, you’ll wind up in the hospital with your nose in the entirely wrong place wondering why that guy hit you. Last thing you remebered you were playing some tv drinking agame, the one where you had to drink verytime Homer says D’oh. Huh, what an asshole.

 

3) Drunk dialing is no joke: This is going to be great! You have a bunch of people coming over to watch the presidential debate on tv and more alcohol in your living room than any one should legally be allowed to have. Being the party planner extraordinaire that you are you went online to find some political drinking games to make this debate a little bit more fun. The debate is only half way over and everybody is trashed, most of all you. You pick up your iPhone and scroll through your contacts to see who you should call and invite over when you run across your boss’s home number. You start to think about the day you had today because that d-bag is such a jerk and decide you have had enough. You call him and tell him off, you tell him he can suck your ass and that everyone knows his wife used to be a dude and hang up. That’ll teach him. You wake up the next morning to the sound of your alarm and slam a cup of coffe and a handful of tylenol on your way to work so you can make it through the day. What’s this? Why are the security guys walking so quickly in your direction? Right before your face hits the concrete in front of the office along with the framed photo of mom and your world’s best son mug you have some vague memory of calling someone last night and telling them something. Well shit. That’s what you get for being involved in politics.

 

4) Drinking games are your friends way of telling you you’re boring: It seems like everytime you go to your buddies houses they are always suggesting some new drinking game and of course, you always wind up super trashed. After the last time where you thought you were just going to watch the debate and wound up wearing your underwear on your head, you think it’s time to find out what the damn deal is. You ask your BFF and, to your horror, they reply you are BORING with a capital B. They tell you that hanging out with you is only a good time when you’ve had a few. Otherwise you are a ginormous snooze fest, always going on and on about how your boss’s wife used to be a dude. You loosen up when you’re drunk and if you think they are hangin out with you all the time sober think again. You will have to do one of 2 things they say, grow a new personality or get trashed all the time and like it, otherwise they’re gonna serve you with BFF divorce papers.   Think about it this way, if you keep drinking like that then you’ll prolly die soon anyway so you might as well be happy right?

 

5) The truth hurts: Drinking games get you drunk, it’s a known fact. Why else would you play them? It’s not like the act of drinking isn’t fun in and of itself. The bad thing about them is that you get really drunk really fast. There have been several studies that show inhibitions are lowered when you’re drunk and boy don’t you know it. There have been more than one honey break up with you because when you were drunk you told them how you really felt.  Hell, you even recently drunk dialed your boss and next thing you know….fired. Well you decide that tonight will be different, you will get shitfaced  have a few drinks and not tell everybody everything you hate about them. It’s all about self control right? After a few dozen rounds of keg stands you feel fine. You decide to go search out your loving hubby. Mistake number one. You find him and are overcome with anger, you tell him he is a silly child with a teeny peen and you wish you had stayed single because at least then you had the option of bangin people on the side guilt free. When you wake up in the morning it’s hangover city. You stumble around the house in the dark and start to realize something is definitely wrong here, where is the tv? And why are all the dresser drawers pulled open? You go to the kitchen in search of  coffe and find a note taped to the machine. Dear Honey, I’m leaving you, and for the record, your sister loves my peen. Oops, you did it again.

2 Comments »

  1. Kimmie Said:

    Hell Yeah….as always you mastered yet another 5…

    Loves it,,
    Kimmie

  2. Luke Said:

    PurDooDuh huh, this Duke guy sounds like a handsome evil genius.😉


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