You know you love your friends, they are incredible people who always support you and have your back. But……., maybe you are not so sure about that friends’ cool points. Maybe they are a smidge too obsessed with Star Trek, or they own season one of Hannah Montana on dvd. Or maybe they know all the words to the Full House theme song and sing it when they are out in public, have mercy. Here are 5 reasons that your friend, however awesome they may be, is also a raging dork.
1) They are way to into their pets: You know who you are, you love your pets, as you should, but maybe it’s a lil too much. Your pal is a great listener, but sometimes when you call them to vent you find yourself listeneing to them babytalk to their dog with you on the phone. You hear your BFF say things like “Who’s my baby?” or “Him so precious!!”. You know that it is more than a little wierd, that it’s a lil strange your buddy talks to their pets like that but when they learn that their female dog is preggers and starts referring to the puppies as their “grandpuppies” it’s all gone too far. It’s okay, yeah, your friend is a total spaz but at least you know where you can get a pet sitter for those unexpected trips to Vegas right?
2) Your BFF is entirely too caught up in the newest hot guy celeb: Our bestie is amazing!! She’s smart, funny and a total laugh riot but it all seems to fade away into screaming fangirl territory when the he makes an appearnce on tv, or radio, or god help us, the internet. Of course you see the hotness, you totally get it and find yourself staring briefly and thinking about him in a hot nudie position, but then you move on, knowing it is, in fact, never going to happen. Your gal pal however, is not so easily swayed. She thinks about him, puts his pic up on her bedroom wall, she even went to hot topic and bought his mini action figure. You start to wonder what the deal is, maybe this is a problem, then you find the blog, the hugely popular blog that is dedicated to him. In one instance, she even talks about her deepest fantasy, blowing him behind a dumpster. Oh my. It’s gone too far but you are not gonna try to dissuade her, it’s obviously real for her. Well look at it this way, she is about a mili second away from full blown stalker status, you know the really scary ones that save snotty tissues and stuff? Yeah, well when that happens, lucky you, you will be the one the news talks to to question if you ever saw this coming, and maybe as a thank you, he’ll let you blow him behind a dumpster, hang out with him.
3) Your fave friend loves Buffy: It’s only natural to attach to your fave shows, we all have them, Lost, Heroes, the list goes on. But when your bestie is obsessed with something less than normal, it’s, well…… unsettling.Let’s start with the female equivalent of Star Trek, Buffy. You know who you are, you have all 7 seasons on dvd. You have the comics, and when you feel a little bummed with your life, you pop in the musical episode to cheer you up. Your friend is the epitome of dork, you can’t deny it any longer. Let’s face it, Buffy was funny at times, but to be your fave? They even quote the show and have a welcome to Sunnydale doormat outside their front door. You love Sarah Michelle as much as the next but damn man, who spends their money on this stuff? You knew it was a lost cause when they stayed in bed for 3 days after they heard that the new Buffy movie wasn’t gonna be based off the existing show. How sad! Help your friend out!~ Don’t abandon them now, in their hour of need. Maybe to help distract them, you show them an episode of other vampire shows, maybe a little Tru Blood for that ass. Anything to keep from hearing the soundtrack to the musical in their car again.
4) They have a collection of beanie babies…. in the collector boxes: We all remember the TY Beanie Babies craze that swept the nation for 10 minutes in the 90’s. They were supposed to be highly collectible, rare ones selling for thousands online. And then……. not so much. Yeah the were cute, and you have to admit you did get the teenie beanie babies from mcdonald’s in the hopes of selling them for cash, but that was a long time ago. You know they are worthless now so you gave em up to the kiddies ages ago. Then, one day, you have writer’s block, only 2 out of 5 reasons for your humble lil blog! You call your home slice (we’ll call her mimmie) and when you begin brainstorming, she reveals this gem to you. She has a collection of these cutesy pieces of nothin, in their boxes, on a shelf for display. Oh sweet lord!! How could we not have known? Of course she does. She goes so far as to tell you that she refuses to let her daughter play with them, they might be worth something one day. You laugh and laugh, she then tells you to shut up, you, after all, wear toe socks and flip flops. Hello, Pot? This is Kettle, you’re black.
5)Your pal uses text message abreviations in their everyday speech: We all have one, a friend who latches on to the newest fad or trend and wears it out til you hate whoever came up with it with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. You know, the one who rushed out and paid 600 dollars for a dvd player when they first came out, or payed 900 bucks for the first camera phone intoduced. Now, as time has moved on, and credit card bill sare piling up, they lean more towards trends like texting, ones that are not that expensive. So now that they hear people talking in text codes, of course they have to. They reply OMG!! every time you say anything the least bit shocking. When they are upset by something that has happened to them, they say WTF? You start to wonder why on earth they can’t be bothered to speak those 3 words, it’s not like there’s a word limit in life. It becomes habitual and after an hour straight conversation about the dream you had last night where you and that one hot greasy headed guy from that movie meet,fall in love, and do the nasty in the dumpster this time, they reply LMAO. It’s got to stop somewhere and you find yourself telling them that lazy ass people should take the time to say the damn words instead of abbreviating everything like a damn tard. You don’t bother telling them how your frustartion stems from having no idea what those little abbreviations actually mean.
We here at 5 reasons sometimes have to consult our fab friends for inspiration for our blog. I need to send love and thank you’s to LTR for the fab dumpster reference, Mimmie for cracking me up when she said, ” I’d blow him in a dumpster, fuck it!” I have never laughed so hard in my life, and Ouija for letting me hang on to all those Buffy dvds, yeah that one is me. And in case you weren’t sure, the dumpster man in question is one Rob Pattinson. HOT!