I know, Twilight, bad for you? It’s the worst kind of blasphemy! I can admit to being a shrieking fan girl over Rob, I can admit to owning and reading all 4 books( plus the Midnight Sun internet leak), and I can admit that I am completely enthrallled with the series. Now for the other stuff, Twilight is sooo bad for people, it causes O.C.D. ( obsessive cullen disorder) and is wreaking havoc in lives> I believe Twilight should come with a warning from the surgeon general or something and here are 5 reasons why.
1) Edward Cullen makes you resent your man: It’s true, Edward is (gasp!), fictional. He doesn’t exist, it’s a terrible fact. Reading twilight and the following books makes women realize how perfect he is and how incredibly flawed their men are. You may find yourself asking questions like ” Why don’t you sparkle?” or ” I wish for once you would just try to be sexy and brooding!” or “If I was so delicious that you wanted to kill/ eat me, would you resist just for love?”. The answer is, uh no. Real men are nowhere near as amazing as Edward( or Rob) and therefore are disappointing as a whole. It’ll make you consider leaving your honey in search of your fictional vampire equivalent. Don’t ruin your relationships girls!!! Edward is fictional, besides any man in real life that sparkles like that would be gay anyway.
2) Twilight causes financial hardship: So your just walking along in your local Barnes and Noble, checkin out the new releases, when you stumble on a copy of Twilight. You think ” isn’t this a movie now?”, ” Maybe I’ll pick it up and try it.”. So you do, and you find yourself immediately twi-cracked ( being totally cracked out by twilight). You know you shouldn’t buy any more books what with your light bill being due and all, your job at the krispy kreme doesn’t pay much, you decide better of it and tell yourself the lights MUST stay on and you will just have to wait. Maybe you’ll kill some time and go walk around the mall. In the mall you cross paths with a lil store called Hot Topic, you go in. Oh, shit. You’re in a Twilight blackhole surrounded by every possible form of twi-crack and you spend more than half of your light bill money on a lil Edward action figure and some t-shirts. Well you’ve done it now, might as well get the books. So you travel to the book store and then stop off at Blockbuster to get a copy of the dvd. While you sit in the dark, reading New Moon by candlelight, you have no remorse, you get paid again in a week, the director’s notebook is out now, you guess the water bill will just have to wait.
3) Twilight fans are social outcasts: The average Twilight fan is a teenage girl. There are also a number of adult fans who are completely enthralled and a lil obsessed with these books. Unfortunately there is also a stigma attached to being one of those fans. You may be perceived as silly, immature, childish, or maybe even out and out stupid. People tend to frown upon Twilight and the literary merit of the series. It’s been said that Twilight is the Equivalent of “Dude Where’s my Car” in book form. So, now you find that you’re completely obsessed with the books, you read and re-read, you visit websites like The Twilight Saga and Letters to Twilight where you can get your fix. You know you can’t tell your friends, they won’t understand, and when you are at the water cooler at work and someone sees your Team Edward button (you forgot you were wearing it), they all start to make fun. Twilight will make you an outcast, but who cares, Forks has a Krispy Kreme and you are looking to transfer. My guess? They’ll get it, you’ll show them, all of them!!!
4) Twilight will get you fired from your job: Now that you’ve put yourself into a financial downward spiral purchasing all your twilight paraphanalia, you can’t access the internet because your lights have been turned off. Now that you are the manager at the local doughnut hole( pun intended), you have a nice lil computer in your office/cleaning supply closet. So you start visiting your fave sites and before you know it, your on a conference call with your boss who has been tracking your internet use. You are sooo busted! It’s a big no no using the company pc for personal use, or chatting with your friends while you break down the new moon poster ” vanity fair style”.
5) Twilight makes you neglect your family: Say you are lucky enough to have avoided financial ruin, the loss of your relationship, and the loss of your job. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!! I am truly proud of you. I bet you’re a stay at home mom whose hubby doesn’t mind that you think Edward is so perfect and has even put on a lil body glitter to spice up your love life. You are lucky, very lucky. But……. what about the children? I’m sure I can’t be the only Twi-mom. In fact, I know I’m not. Now you have these books, these books that are so much better than anything else, you’re reading constantly and when you’re not reading you’re on the net looking up stuff about the books or staring at Rob’s messy delicious hair. When little Billy needs help with his homework you tell him, Edward Cullen doesn’t need help, neither do you! When your kids tell you they want a car for their sweet 16 you say, Bella would never ask for anything from anyone, you could learn a thing or two from her! You see where this is going? You come to think of the characters as real people and now your family is suffering for your obsession. It’s a slippery slope people!
The next 5 Reasons will be coming soon, leave me comments and as always, thanks for reading!